The Igits Steal a Truck (Part 2)

Posted: 29 June, 2011 in Daily Droppings, Other
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

The Igits Steal a Truck (Part 2)

Before the window rolled down, I  already knew what had happened. Where else would they have gotten a ride like this?

-Atticus! shouted the driver

-Tyler, I responded, rubbing my forehead, unenthused.

-Kiss, spoke the passenger

-Donatello, The two of them, of course.

-Hop in, man, Tyler shouted across Don.

-Tyler, where did you get this truck? I asked.

-It was just sitting there, door open keys inside, totally unappreciated and unguarded and just up the block, so we gotta move, before someone notices. C’mon!

-Right, well in the very least I am so glad that you chose something inconspicuous.

-Hey man, chimed Don -the sarcastic attitude is so unnecessary.

-When I want your opinion, DonDon, I will fucking ask for it.

-Well if you’re going to be mean to Don… Tyler started to drive forward, leaving me on the corner.  He got just far enough for me to notice the texas flag pained on the tailgate and the unusual licence plates. I jogged up to the front of the car.

-Fine, get me out of here.

-I knew you’d come around, Tyler said as I crawled into the back seat.

-Just drive, Tyler.

We were moving North, if we didn’t look so goddamned sketchy I would have suggested stopping by HP pharmacy for some celebratory carjacking ice cream sodas, but we needed to get out of there double fast and something kept bothering me, something I couldn’t put my finger on at first.  It wasn’t unusual for rich folks to get custom plates,- though it was a lot less common here in Texas where it was more expensive than it is in places up north like Illinois – but what the hell did this one mean?  They were usually quit obvious ‘D0GLVR’ or ‘ROCKMOM’ or ‘ASSDOC’ (for a proctologist), but what the hell did…

-Hey Ty, what do you think the plates mean?

-Idunno. Wasn’t really paying attention. What did they say?

-R N D H S E.

-Hmmm… Well R N D sounds like R‘nD, you know, like research and development. That’s pretty clear, but H S E… I got nothing.

-High School Education! Exclaimed the man riding shotgun with glee.

-Donnie, shut the fuck up, I said -Word puzzles are way out of your element. What the hell would a high school be doing with a research and development team?

-Maybe he works for the city, like.  Developing new forms of education. Tyler suggested.

-It’s an idea I suppose, I supposed

-Or maybe development means like developmental education. Maybe he works with retarded kids!

-Donkey Kong, If you make one more retarded suggestion like that I am going to smash your head in with a wooden barrel. If he taught retarded kids he would not be able to afford a truck like this.

-His wife could work

-Not if he drives a truck like this she doesn’t. A truck like this is a statement. Any man who drives around in this oversized codpiece would not be caught dead letting his wife be the breadwinner.

-He did leave it running outside his own house. Maybe he’s the one in the developmental program. Tyler spoke in his cool offhanded manner that suggested he was not taking this as seriously as he should be.

-Your humor is not appreciated at this time, Tyler. Something is very wrong here.  If he just left it running outside his house, it might also mean he hasn’t worrying about security. He assumed nobody would be stupid enough to steal from him.

-Why do we assume it’s a he? Maybe it’s some really hot-

Don’s grand idea was quickly cut off by Tyler and I’s glances.

-I’m just saying. We shouldn’t be so misogynist.

Beat.

-Alright, assuming that Don Juan over there didn’t just suffer some sudden onset of genius, we are talking about a guy in highland park that is really psyched about being from Texas and doesn’t think anyone would posses the testicular fortitude to steal his truck.

Suddenly it came to me. The flag, the plates, everything.

-You fucking IGITS! This is Chuck Norris’s truck!

Chuck Norris’s Truck came to a screeching halt.

To be continued

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