The Igits Steal a Truck (part 3)

Posted: 6 July, 2011 in Daily Droppings, Other
Tags: , , , , ,

The Igits Steal a Truck (part 3)

 

I unbuckled my seat belt.

-I’m getting the hell out of this car.

-Wait! shouted Tyler.   -We’re in this together.

-Like hell we are. All I did was meet you at an intersection.

-Stop him, Don Quixote!

Don lept out ot his unbuckled seat and grabbed me but I could still reach the door handle. I pulled on the level with all my might only to find it lacking in its primary function.

-Child locks, Tyler explained. -It makes sense. Chuck strikes me as the kind of man who would take Children’s safety first.

-I’ll show you child safety, I growled.

I broke Don’s girlish grip and grabbed Tyler by the hair. Slamming his face into the steering wheel with each word I yelled,

-R! N! D! H! S! E! SPELLS! ROUNDHOUSE!

His final head butt against the engraved leather FORD logo let out a loud honk in the form of the first few notes of “Deep in the Heart of Texas”.

-Oh. I get it.  You just take out all the vowels, spoke Don.

Lacking a new mutation of his name to berate him with, I simply slapped Don across the back of the head.

-Hey! Leave Don King alone, Tyler said, checking to see how much blood was on his face.

Damnit! I thought.

-What possesed you? Seriously, Tyler, how the fuck could you miss a detail like this?

-I don’t know. Maybe I would be able to remember if I hadn’t just left half my grey matter in the middle of the goddamned steering column.

-Let me out.

-No can do, man. If we’re in this, you’re in this.

I thought for a second then lunged for the back window. If I could get it open there might be enough room for me to wriggle out.  Then I could just hop out of the bed.

-Hold onto him, Don Nox!Tyler floored the truck, sending me back and smacking my head against the glass.

-If we can get to 75 we’ll be moving too fast for him to jump out!

My fingers desperately fumbled with the latch on the back window while don held onto my legs with the tightness of an unopened pickle jar.

-Donathen if you don’t let go of me I will go fucking Sid and Nancy on your ass.

-Sorry, man I can’t do that!

-Fuckin hell.

I got the latch up and slid back the glass and the sound of rushing wind swept through the truck.  I stuck one arm out  the back window just as Tyler made a vicious right turn and I slammed against the back door.

-Gotcha! exclaimed the temporarily victorious driver.

I managed to slip a leg from Don’s grasp and let his face experience the force of my mighty converse.

-AHHH!!!

Don let out a wail and I siezed my opportunity like the assets of a suspected drug lord.

-HAHA! Take that, Don Corleogne!I grabbed the edges of the window and pulled my torso out of the cab of the truck.

-Oh no you don’t, cried Tyler

He slammed on the breaks an threw me into the edges of the window as I strove for freedom. Don was still holding his face together, but I could feel a hand hanging onto my ankle still left inside the truck. Tyler hit the gas again, driving with one hand and gripping my ankle with the other.

-Tyler! Leggo my Eggo!

-Get back in the truck, he shouted back

-ERRRGGG! I errrggged.

I twisted and shifted trying to break his handle.  Finally, he lost hold of m leg holding now only onto my trousers.  In a flash desicioun of purely genius inspiration I went slack, allowing him to think he had won. Forcing him to concentrate on the road again. With his eues forward I quickly unfastened my trusers and slid out of them like penis out of condom.

-AR! AVAST! shouted Tyler in his best faux pirate voice as he realized there was no more weight in the black and grey houndstooth patterened cotton and let go allowing the wind to take the trousers up into the air and far away.

I scrambled to the back of the truck bed as he accelerated.  Standing up straight, my boxers flapping in the breeze, I saluted them both.

-Farewell lads.  Enjoy your death sentence, I said and tucked and rolled from the moving monstrosity of midnight blue safely onto the parks of Oak Lawn.

What happened after that?  Well, that’s another story.

 

Till next time, true believers!

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