Sick Whisky

Posted: 9 September, 2014 in Uncategorized
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I’m writing. Jelly Roll Morton is playing in the background and there’s 3 cups on the table.

One glass containing the dregs of an “emergen-C” (cocktail of vitamins and such that’s supposed to make me feel better), an airborne (someone swears by this and the packaging brags, though I am having trouble understanding why, that it was invented by a second grade teacher), and a Zycam (some homeopathic and supposed to be taken before the onset of illness. I’m not sure how you are supposed to predict feeling ill, but oh well, I predict I will still be ill after I take it). The C was flavoured orange, the airborne was flavoured berry, and the Zicam was flavoured “try not to taste”. Delphi put all three in together and I gulped. The swill of powders not fully saturated slid back down the glass and settled, forming a granulated ultra-concentrated super cocktail of non-medication, which is now diffused into little green cup of mucus wrapped in saliva since it has become my spittoon.

Next to it is a mug of tea. I’m out of milk and out of honey.

The third cup is a glass filled with Tullamore dew whiskey. I used to drink Jamison, but the Jewel near my house sells Tulley and at two dollars less per bottle.

Before I ran out of honey it was hot whiskey



Fill kettle and put on stove or turn on for electric

Second, find a medium size mug. Larger and more sturdy than a teacup as you will need room for all of ingredients. This is however a sipping drink that has that precious lifespan which exists between tongue-scalding and lukewarm, so an American size large coffee mug might be excessive and demand portions that will often lead to either the drowning of the drink or wasted liquid.


Three: while the kettle is on, place the following items in the mug: brown sugar. One spoonful. It should create a fine dusting on the bottom of the mug. Or if the sugar is clumpy, one nickel-sized lump, which you may break up a little with the spoon or you may wait and watch it dissolve later, whichever you find more entertaining.

Honey. Most people will say use either/or when it comes to these ingredients. Most people are stupid. Both ingredients should be used as long as one is not too liberal with their portions and it won’t be too sweet. All it takes is a little bit of self-control.

The amount should be a small dollop in the glass and it should come one quarter to one third of the way from your pinkie tip to the first knuckle.

Next slice of lemon. Put the lemon on the cutting boards slice it in half. Take one half and slice a third out of it. Take the wedge and press it against the inside of the glass.

Depending upon how bold you’re feeling, take anything from 3 to 6 cloves and skewer them into the lemon. Really shove them up in there because they can fall out easily if you don’t. Care, if you’ve never done this before, start with just three as a Clove is strong and can easily overpower a drink. Also, this is why you press the lemon first, to prevent the cloves from being pushed out into the drink. No one wants to be continuously spitting cloves back into their glass.

The kettle should be singing by now. Go fetch it.

Fill the glass, depending on its size, one half to two thirds of the way with the water. Stir. Dissolve the honey and sugar mixture into a syrup. Give it a minute to both settle and cool.

You’ve got time.

You can’t drink something boiling and you don’t want to put in the whiskey too soon. It will boil out most of the alcohol and thus negate the entire purpose of my writing this.

Now finally. Poor in the whiskey. Of brand you need pay no mind, but be sure it’s Irish. The lack of adulteration by peat or smoke is necessary.

Put the clove spiked lemon in and filled to the top or wherever. The glass should measure somewhere between 1.5 and 4 ounces of Whiskey.


You may rent reuse the lemon about two or three times in my experience before you really relinquish all usefulness.


That’s how it’s done

I forgot where I was.


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